Quite Possibly the World's Dumbest Bird

For two weeks, our day has started with a mysterious thumping noise, coming from the front of our house. My husband and I couldn't figure out where this very rhythmic and persistent sound was coming from. Days and days of this sound, lasting for hours.

Then we figure out that a robin {pictured above}, whom we've affectionately named Darwin, has been hurling him/herself {most likely a male as I can't imagine a female of any species being this stupid} at our front window.

Please look carefully at the picture of the window, with the azure sky beyond, showing the marks that Darwin has left  on the glass. Yes, those are perfectly shaped beak imprints. And no doubt some bird slobber that was knocked loose on impact.

This is where Darwin rests himself between his attempts to penetrate the glass. You can see he's desecrated a large section of my beloved Bracken Brown Magnolia tree. I fear I may have to powerwash it to rid it of the accumulated fecal matter.

And probably the most telling visual I can provide for you as to the depth of this bird's stupidity. This is the sill below the window.  Follow me here...

This bird has hurled himself at our window so hard, he has literally knocked the s**t out of himself.
Over and over.
For days.

Even though I'm an animal lover, I thought for a split second, "perhaps I should do this idiot a favor and give him the gift of a quick death in the form of a bullet to the head". But of course, I doubt I'd have the stomach for that kind of solution.

So Socko, the sock monkey that my daughter made, is now hanging in the window as a scarecrow of sorts.
This is a chilling sight, really.

Darwin got a good look at Socko and hit the road, no doubt finding another closed window to befoul.
I wish him the best.

Now to wash the dung from the magnolia and my front windows.


  1. HILARIOUS!! Although I hope he's ok after all that!!
    The monkey was a genius idea!!!

  2. Wonder what he wanted in your house that was worth the repeated pain of the B&E attempt?? Hopefully someone else is now being entertained by the bird :)

    This is, by far, the most bizarre blog post I've read in quite a while, so kudos! :)

  3. omg. I had a friend growing up whose parents lived in a house on a bluff, with floor to ceiling windows running the length of the house, no drapes or other window treatments, so bird strikes were a regular occurrence. They could have used your sock monkey! Hope your bird friend takes up a new residence somewhere else--SOON! :)

  4. Hysterical!!! Love the adapt, improvise and overcome answer!!!

  5. well he was probably a bird of average intelligence until the first few collisions, then all downhill from there. poor thing! Great scare-monkey, btw

  6. I laughed through this post. The sock monkey is spooky and yet funny.
    We had the same thing going on at the school where I work. A robin kept knocking at the windows. Big glass, really-reflective windows. We figured it was a male robin who was trying to chase away the competition, but was really only pounding on his reflection. Maybe when mating season is over, he will calm down.
    We once had a fish tank with some rather aggressive little fish. We put a mirror on the end and the poor little fish nearly killed himself swimming into his reflection.

  7. I have been laughing out loud like a maniac for about 15 minutes now! This is absolutely too funny!

  8. only you would have a sock monkey scarecrow... only you! LOL!

    We had a bird who did that at our work. Only thing we could think of as a reason was that he was seeing his reflection in the glass and thought it was a rival intruder.

  9. Andie, Darwin's Cardinal cousin, Peeping Tom, lives in my yard. For TWO years he has been trying to penetrate the glass of my house. Once he tires of the North side windows, he flies around the house and starts in on the bedroom windows. Many times my cat sits in anticipation that Tom will actually succeed. I'm pretty sure that his beak is at least 1/2 shorter than it used to be. I've tried putting various things in the window to try to scare off the dumbest bird's cousin, but to now avail. I'll have to try the monkey!
    Does that mean that, possibly, no, I HAVE found the world's dumbest bird? Living in the woods, the way I do, many birds accidently try to fly through my house (some have even died trying, unfortunately) but Peeping Tom is the only one who hasn't given up
    yet! Thanks for making me smile today!!

  10. bird slobber - you do know how to turn a phrase!

  11. Hysterical!!! ROFL...you added a smile to my day...thank you! :)

  12. I just sort of stumbled upon your blog and am happy to say am glad I did. Love what I've seen so far. Plan on doing some more exploring here.
    My sister lives on our property and last year a robin started hurling herself against Lisa's windows. She taped a paper grocery sack to the windows and then robin hurled herself against the windows on our RV. I taped papers on the windows and the robin then flew into each and every window on every other vehicle we own and our house!! After about 2 months of this strange behavior the robin went away. Migrated or dead for all we knew after all of that self-destruction. Crazy bird! Sooo....this year May rolls around and guess who is back??? You got it! Has to be the same bird! She's at it again! Only this time she has a mate with her. But she's still hurling herself against the windows! Until I read about your robin I was pretty sure we had the strangest robin on the planet visiting us. lol Guess not! The good news is that she survived the very bizarre behavior, she and her mate raised 3 babies! After the babies left the nest mama and daddy birds fed and cared for the babies for almost a month. They have been gone now for about a 5 weeks. We are all wondering if she will return again next year. At least now after reading our post and the comments we know we aren't the only people experiencing this very strange behavior.

  13. HA!! That's hilarious! Genius idea about the sock monkey! :)


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